They're Eating My People

I want you to post, in comments, anything that you want. Anything.

Post a story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love... Anything.

Be sure to post honestly and anonymously. Post as many times as you'd like, and then put this in your LJ to see what your friends, (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your LJ) have to say.


Much love,
Trev.

Just so you know... this is not a happy blog. You've been warned.

Ever since Leela left, I've been feeling really really lonely. "But you said you were lonely even when she was around" you might say. I thought I was... but it turns out, I didn't know the half of it. I've always taken my friends for granted, and I'm sorry for that. I guess I had to be completely separated from all of my friends to realize that.. but I digress. I seem to have fallen into a rut, and while this has happened before, I've always had my safety net of friends to help me get through it. Alas, this time I do not. I feel completely alone, and it's not the kind of alone that talking on the phone can help, I need friends that I see on a regular basis, that I can actually hang out with, ya know? Right now, I have about two friends in the city that I ever see, one of them lives in NJ, and the other is so busy that I can't see her all the time. Not that it's her fault, at all, she was crazy busy when I met her, it's always been that way, and I'd never ask her in a million years to try and change that for me, I'm not that selfish. As some of you know, after Leela left, I got two new roommates to move into my apartment, so I could afford the rent. Now they're both a little older than me, and are both fans of the nightlife, which is fine, I totally don't mind that. But tonight, they did something a little upsetting: They went out without me. Now I know I can't get into the places that they go to because I'm so young, and if they'd come right out and said: "We're going out together etc..." I would've been fine with that.. but they didn't. After I found out, I got the distinct feeling that I wasn't supposed to know, that they were trying to keep that from me... is it wrong of me to be upset at them? One of them gave the excuse that he hadn't ever spent any time with the other one on one, which is bullshit, I know he has. He also said that they'd never really gone out and done anything before, and that he and I had... also bullshit, I've never gone out with either one of them, and I seem to remember SOMEONE's birthday party where they went out...oy and one more thing, I got a text message at like 1:30 saying that they were planning to come home soon... by the way, for future reference "soon" now means two and a half hours, they didn't get home until 4. I guess I really don't have the right to be angry at them. I should've realized that they weren't really my friends, I'm nothing more than the landlord....

Maybe it's best if I don't spend a lot of time around other people.. I just get hurt..

Alright well... Ryan's gone (demon ex-roommate). His parents came yesterday to get all of his stuff. There was a MySpace blog (written by someone else, on his account) saying that he was in the hospital, and his mother confirmed that. I have no idea why he's in the hospital, no one would tell me. I have my ideas though. Either way, he was incredibly dramatic, and liked to play guitar at two in the morning, not to mention he was consistantly late on his rent. I should've kicked him out ages ago, but being the nice guy that I am(heh) I didn't. I let him stay. Big mistake. At any rate, there's someone coming to look at his room today, and I hope he takes it, because he seems like a cool guy, and he also kinda seems like he can pay his rent (mind you that before he moves in I will make sure he CAN pay his rent). So life has been drama. Leela's moving back to Australia on December 8 (I think that was the exact date) so I'll have to find someone to fill her room too. I'm really going to miss her. Of all the people I made friends with when I moved to NY, we bonded the most. She introduced me to anime, I took her to see her first broadway show, etc. (she's involved in the arts, just never seen a show on broadway before).
In other happier news, Halloween is coming up, and I can't wait. I want to go to the parade, since I didn't get to go last year. Well, I need to get back to cleaning the apartment for tonight.. so comment some, and I'll talk to you cats later!

~Trev

I have had enough! Enough of the stress, enough of the money issues, enough enough enough... I don't care if this is life... I don't like it, take it back-- I don't want it. After all the crap I've been through lately, my trying to go back to school but getting denied for all my loans because I have crappy credit, so now I have to pay for it all myself >.< and then my problems with having no patience with anyone, my not having any money to begin with because my last roommate, who shall remain nameless, went and DITCHED US and left us having to pay a ridiculous amount of rent (that has recently been fixed, but that money that I was paying for rent is now going to school). and since that's happened, it's been made to look like I am mooching off of Leela WHICH I'M NOT!! *gives the finger to Leela's parents* and now on to them.... Leela is not a citizen of this country, she is a citizen of Australia, ergo, she cannot work.. her God-forsaken parents do not realize this, they think that she can just walk down the street and get a job... well let me tell you something Mr. and Mrs. Assfuck McBitchypants, that's not how it works, half of the people who ARE citizens can't find work.. but I digress, it's because of this that Leela's parent have threatened to force her to move back to Aus. If that happens, then I have to move back to Texas, and I'm just not going to let that happen... and now my computer is being rude, and won't play the proper angry music... in the words of Charlie Brown "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

The song "You Are My Sunshine" makes me cry. This didn't start until after I moved to New York. I think the reason for this is, when I was a little kid, my mother would sing that song to me right before I went to sleep. For this reason, my nickname from my mother was "Sunshine."

I miss my mom, even though I talk to her almost every day. The strange thing about this is: when I lived with her I couldn't stand her, we fought all the time, I was always in trouble and nothing seemed to be going right. But now that I live 1600 miles away, it's like living without a net, and while that freedom is well... liberating, it's also very very scary. I sometimes wish I were a kid again, that life could go back to being simple, the way it was before I became a "grown-up." And before you start telling me that I'm not really a grown up, I am, unfortunately, I pay rent, I pay bills, I feed, clean and clothe myself, and I have debt, I take care of myself. There is no one else that can care for me. Not anymore. But I didn't mean to grow up this fast... I didn't mean to get out here and lose all touch with my childhood. But unfortunately, it happened. To all of you who have just graduated high school: hold on to your childhood for as long as you can.. because once it's gone... it's like a part of you has died. You'll see what I mean.

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Aborted effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask way too much.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.

With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

The Tao that is seen
is not the true Tao, until
you bring fresh toner.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Stay the patient course
of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.

Yesterday it worked
today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
but we never will.

Having been erased,
the document you're seeking
must now be retyped.

Rather than a beep
or a rude error message,
these words: "File not found."

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are empty.

so yeah, just when I thought I'd totally fucked things up with him, my friend Angie tells me that he "wants to get to know me" ... you know, I honestly think that's the first time that's ever happened to me, usually they just want to use me, and then dump me... and now someone wants to get to know me? I definitely think that's a good thing... so yeah.. it's six thirty in the morning.. but I don't care, because I got a full night's sleep last night YAY!! okay... I think things are getting better now... I guess we'll see, most of my group is still being very immature, and high-school-y... they're assholes, I really hate it when people talk about me behind my back... those fuckers... but don't worry, I'm quite sure they'll get theirs...

alright, that's all for now...
ttfn,
Trev

be sorted @ nimbo.net

Texas is lost.... you bastards...... GODFUCK!! that's right... I said it..... I'll never move back... NEVER and if anybody reads this who voted for the proposition to take away my rights as a human being that you take for granted... I hope you feel bad... and I hope you get yours... really really soon.... and I hope that I'm there to see it... because honestly... you suck, you really really do



fuck off

You are a Summer Kiss! You love showin your boy
off... especially when you both can chill
outside with your shirts off...


What kind of Hot Boy Kiss are you??
brought to you by Quizilla

fuck it all, I finally give up, I don't want anything to do with guys, I don't want a relationship, I don't want fuck buddies, I don't want anything.... if I'm going to be alone, I might as well be alone by my own choice. So in the words of the great Nicholas Martin-Smith, fuck that shit... and also: "To some degree, either lesser or greater, all men are dumb. Also, to some degree, either lesser or greater, all women are evil."

*end transmission*

Well, ladies and gents, I have some good news... my voice teacher was talking to during my lesson today... as voice teachers do... hmm and he told me that after I'm done with AMDA that I should consider classical singing, and that if I thought it over and decided to go through with it, then he would help me with the auditions for the two best schools for classical singing in the city: The Juilliard School, and The Manhattan School of Music... and he told me he'd help me get scholarships... I think I'm gonna do it....



More later

aaaaaaaaaaaaand now for an entry... Today... well, yesterday really... but today I have come to a new conclusion... and that conclusion is: FUCK EVERYONE ELSE.... or almost, anyway it doesn't matter what anyone thinks unless I want it to matter... at anyrate, I've decided that I'm not going to do a whole lot of opening up... ~*insert dirty joke here*~ anymore, because usually all it does it get you hurt...

~fin~

p.s. I've dropped three pant sizes, that's six inches...

and now I'll end with something very profound:

"Now breathe down and sigh out"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I have to apologize to all of you... I have been so selfish over the last few days, I feel like an idiot. "The world revolveth not around thyself...." someone told me that once, well, maybe not those exact words... but I think that sometimes we as actors (a notoriously self-serving bunch, no offense intended, as nearly everyone on my friends lists are actors) lose sight of everything and everyone around us, focused on pursuing a dream that we will, and do, fight to hell and back, and sometimes never accomplish... we do what we have to do to keep ourselves on track, no matter how many people we have to knock off (and no, not knock off as in kill) in the process... I, personally, am going to try and stop myself from being so selfish, and look toward other peoples problems for a change. Some of you will argue that all I do is look after other people, but it's not true, as horrible as it seems, I always end up with my own interests in mind, which is not altogether a bad thing, but I wasn't gaining anything from being a self-serving bitch..... now that I've ranted for awhile and spun an entry that probably makes no sense whatsoever.... I should probably tell you that I have not slept tonight and that I'm damn near delirious... but at the same time, I feel a little like the Oracle at Delphi.... oh well....

love, peace, and chicken grease....
Trevor

I really really don't want to be here right now, I want more than anything to have my old friends back, to be able to be single because there were no gay men, not because there were a million of them who didn't like me... I mean fucking honestly, there's got to be someone who likes me... doesn't there?

well, that was brief... oh well, easy come easy go I suppose, I just feel like an idiot for saying some of the things I said to other people about him.... meh fuck it.... life goes on, and in five days I'll be 1600 miles away.... why worry? there'll be others

And I am telling you
I'm not going.
You're the best man I'll ever know.
There's no way I can ever go,
No, no, no, no way,
No, no, no, no way I'm livin' without you.
I'm not livin' without you.
I don't want to be free.
I'm stayin',
I'm stayin',
And you, and you, you're gonna love me.
Ooh, you're gonna love me.

And I am telling you
I'm not going,
Even though the rough times are showing.
There's just no way,
There's no way.
We're part of the same place.
We're part of the same time.
We both share the same blood.
We both have the same mind.
And time and time we have so much to share,
No, no, no,
No, no, no,
I'm not wakin' up tomorrow mornin'
And findin' that there's nobody there.
Darling, there's no way,
No, no, no, no way I'm livin' without you.
I'm not livin' without you.
You see, there's just no way,
There's no way.

Tear down the mountains,
Yell, scream and shout.
You can say what you want,
I'm not walkin' out.
Stop all the rivers,
Push, strike, and kill.
I'm not gonna leave you,
There's no way I will.

And I am telling you
I'm not going.
You're the best man I'll ever know.
There's no way I can ever, ever go,
No, no, no, no way,
No, no, no, no way I'm livin' without you.
Oh, I'm not livin' without you,
I'm not livin' without you.
I don't wanna be free.
I'm stayin',
I'm stayin',
And you, and you,
You're gonna love me.
Oh, hey, you're gonna love me,
Yes, ah, ooh, ooh, love me,
Ooh, ooh, ooh, love me,
Love me,
Love me,
Love me,
Love me.
You're gonna love me.....

I love you honey

Today is, in fact, my 18th birthday.... and I'm having not one, but two parties today... one for my family, and one for some of my friends (if you weren't invited, that doesn't mean I love you any less.... simply that my mother gave me a limit... and I could only invite so many people) but... as per tradition... mom is FREAKING OUT!! she's had three anxiety attacks, and two xanax, and she's still a wreck..... the store messed up my cake.... and she was standing over the kitchen table, throwing napkins at it... and sobbing "It looks like fucking mars!!!" well, I just couldn't contain myself.... I busted out laughing, I walked over to her, gave her a big hug and asked her: "Do you have any idea how funny that sounds?" and of course she cracked up... it was a sitcom moment..... woweee what a day....

leave me happy birthday comments

also I got my cell... comment for it and I'll e-mail you the number

<333

Trevor

I GOT IN!!! I LEAVE JUNE 22 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!