Current mood:

scared

It's been a while
The song "You Are My Sunshine" makes me cry. This didn't start until after I moved to New York. I think the reason for this is, when I was a little kid, my mother would sing that song to me right before I went to sleep. For this reason, my nickname from my mother was "Sunshine."

I miss my mom, even though I talk to her almost every day. The strange thing about this is: when I lived with her I couldn't stand her, we fought all the time, I was always in trouble and nothing seemed to be going right. But now that I live 1600 miles away, it's like living without a net, and while that freedom is well... liberating, it's also very very scary. I sometimes wish I were a kid again, that life could go back to being simple, the way it was before I became a "grown-up." And before you start telling me that I'm not really a grown up, I am, unfortunately, I pay rent, I pay bills, I feed, clean and clothe myself, and I have debt, I take care of myself. There is no one else that can care for me. Not anymore. But I didn't mean to grow up this fast... I didn't mean to get out here and lose all touch with my childhood. But unfortunately, it happened. To all of you who have just graduated high school: hold on to your childhood for as long as you can.. because once it's gone... it's like a part of you has died. You'll see what I mean.