2/11/07 05:19 am
Just so you know... this is not a happy blog. You've been warned.
Ever since Leela left, I've been feeling really really lonely. "But you said you were lonely even when she was around" you might say. I thought I was... but it turns out, I didn't know the half of it. I've always taken my friends for granted, and I'm sorry for that. I guess I had to be completely separated from all of my friends to realize that.. but I digress. I seem to have fallen into a rut, and while this has happened before, I've always had my safety net of friends to help me get through it. Alas, this time I do not. I feel completely alone, and it's not the kind of alone that talking on the phone can help, I need friends that I see on a regular basis, that I can actually hang out with, ya know? Right now, I have about two friends in the city that I ever see, one of them lives in NJ, and the other is so busy that I can't see her all the time. Not that it's her fault, at all, she was crazy busy when I met her, it's always been that way, and I'd never ask her in a million years to try and change that for me, I'm not that selfish. As some of you know, after Leela left, I got two new roommates to move into my apartment, so I could afford the rent. Now they're both a little older than me, and are both fans of the nightlife, which is fine, I totally don't mind that. But tonight, they did something a little upsetting: They went out without me. Now I know I can't get into the places that they go to because I'm so young, and if they'd come right out and said: "We're going out together etc..." I would've been fine with that.. but they didn't. After I found out, I got the distinct feeling that I wasn't supposed to know, that they were trying to keep that from me... is it wrong of me to be upset at them? One of them gave the excuse that he hadn't ever spent any time with the other one on one, which is bullshit, I know he has. He also said that they'd never really gone out and done anything before, and that he and I had... also bullshit, I've never gone out with either one of them, and I seem to remember SOMEONE's birthday party where they went out...oy and one more thing, I got a text message at like 1:30 saying that they were planning to come home soon... by the way, for future reference "soon" now means two and a half hours, they didn't get home until 4. I guess I really don't have the right to be angry at them. I should've realized that they weren't really my friends, I'm nothing more than the landlord....
Maybe it's best if I don't spend a lot of time around other people.. I just get hurt..